Thursday, January 21, 2010

Today is by far one of the best day of the week.. THURSDAY!! The last day of the week and the start to a 3 day weekend!!

This evening I found myself looking at Kaydence and thinking that she looks "grown up!" I don't know if that is possible for a 15 mth old, but sometimes I just can't believe how fast the year has gone. She smiles these big huge smiles and you can see all the teeth that have grown into her once toothless grin, and I just think...WOW....where has the time gone? I know it is just a simple silly little thing but so true.
I made a new dish for supper tonight....Brant and I were not really fans and Kaydence gagged! Like bad enough that I thought I was going to have to clean up more than just supper mess - so I guess we are not tomato/basil people! :)

I am so excited to get my daycare going. I really wish I could get started soon. I would love to say I only have to work "weeks" at wells...someday. We are just waiting for the go ahead to put my name out there!

As I sit here at my computer, thinking of my beautiful baby girl sleeping in the room next to me, and my wonderful husband at work protecting the town we live in, my thoughts turn to something I read and I feel God totally meant for me. Right now I'm trying to work through a broken relationship, a relationship that I never thought I would ever have to try to repair. Not my husband :) but someone that is very close to me....if you are reading know who you are. My thoughts start with a passage from 2 Corinthians 5:18 "(GOD) has restored our relationship with him through Christ, and has given us this ministry of restoring relationships." another powerful statement from a book continues to say "relationships are ALWAYS worth restoring" I read that and cry...because unfortunately we live in this world of sin, and because of that sin we are stubborn, we don't want to forgive, instead we want to blame, we want accuse the other person of the wrong...... "who will be the peacemaker?" why are there so few peacemakers ??.... because peacemaking is HARD. I'm so torn between these quotes because I ask myself .... "why do 'I' have to be the peacemaker?" "why do I have to be the one to let my guard down first, and be the first to apologize when I feel 'I' am not in the wrong. How do I know that the other person doesn't feel the same way? So instead of confronting with love, we confront with madness which results in more hurt. At what point do we say "this is crazy" and get life back to normal..........
and than I read...... " If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, ... AGREE WITH EACH OTHER, LOVE EACH OTHER, BE DEEP-SPIRITED FRIENDS" After reading those words I still fall into a feeling of "why." and I don't know if i mean that as a sttmnt or a question. Is is right to just forget the past and move on? We are also told to be honest, so in being honest - if asking for an apology is what we feel we need to move on ... is that wrong?

If we are to "sympothize" with the other persons feelings how is is not wrong for me to be selfish and want the other person to do the same thing? (because we are not to be selfish)

And now I come to my next struggle.....what steps do you take to resolve conflict when you feel you are being confronted for something you didn't do? How can you sit back and let someone accuse you of a sin you don't feel you did, or worse.... you feel it is a sin THEY have commited themselves. How does throwing it back in their face fix anything. and again i read ".....AGREE WITH EACH OTHER, LOVE EACH OTHER, BE DEEP-SPIRITED FRIENDS..." it sounds so easy when put into a sentence like that.....

I know these random questions asked to myself and partial quotes don't come down to make a lot of sense. And I don't feel I am closer to understanding why we go through the relationship struggles that we do. But I do know that my love for this person will never change, the love I have for this person will always out way the hurt I may feel they have caused me. No matter how much hurt I want to cause them in return will ever make it better until we are able to

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